Think about your early school days
That simple request probably conjures up images of phonograms and small desks filled with small kids
Those hallways that seemed so big
Brightly coloured walls dotted with drawings and those stupid red apples
But overall I assume you look back at those days fondly
I was a pretty average kid
A bit on the energetic side and very social
My mouth was always moving but my mind was moving even faster
My imagination seemed like an escape
And escape from what you might ask
When I was in grade 2 we were tasked with drawing an image of Inuit culture
And explain what everything was and what it was used for
I was quite proud of it
I had done everything I was asked too
But when all the kids in front of me put their papers in the teachers hand and it was my turn, she took a look at it;
She didn’t put it in the pile with the other kids but instead put the page in between the index and thumb of both hands and tore it right down the middle and said
“Start again”
She said I didn’t put enough information and spent too much time on the drawing aspect
It was at that exact moment that I began to feel out of place
And the teachers agreed
Every year at parent teacher interviews my mom would get the same comments like:
“Pierce is a great kid but has trouble focusing in class”
“Pierce is a very smart kid but is always distracting his fellow classmates”
“Pierce brings a smile to my day but he can’t seem to complete homework.
Have you had him tested for ADHD? He might need medication.”
They were trying to drug a child
But why?
School is more like a factory than a place to learn
They take the raw material of children and shape them into a product
obedient docile to do what we are told
We are taught that free thinking is bad so just follow the textbook and that finding another solution is a waste of time
We are trained to live our lives by a set schedule of bells that tell us:
When to move
When to eat
When to talk
And if a child isn’t quite fitting the mold how they want,
Then they press the mold harder and harder,
Take away their lunches,
Make them do extra work
And when that still doesn’t work they give up
“There must be something wrong with the kid”
“He is just lazy”
“We have to put him on meds”
Did you ever take the time to think that maybe I’m not the problem
That maybe your system is:
Flawed
Outdated
Broken
I managed to get this far off my charm
Wooing the teachers to take it easier on me
But what about those kids that didn’t have that
What about them
They are left behind,
Forgotten,
They will amount to nothing because you deemed them as nothing
Well i’m sorry that I don’t fit your mold
But that’s not who I am
And no amount of medication or therapy is going to change that
The system may call me a failure
But im proud
I like who I am flaws and all
I am proud to say
School didn’t change me
The system may call me a failure
But I am proud
Because I may be a failure
But at least i’m still me
Dear Pierce,
First off, I found this piece amazing! You allowed yourself to be more vulnerable in this piece and the tone changed the entire work for the better! I especially liked the line, “They take the raw material of children and shape them into a product.” I also enjoyed how you had a start middle and end to this piece which all weaved together very nicely! One thing I might suggest is to just re-read and cancel out any of the GUMPs but other than that I thought it was fantastic!
Truly,
Simran C.
Dear Pierce,
This was a deeply emotional and hard-hitting poem that really showed off your passion and ability as a writer. Your structure here is actually amazing: you start off with general statements to bring your audience in, and then you relate them to your school life and your criticisms of much of the education system. Put into your perspective, I find myself agreeing with what you’re saying, and realizing things I never even considered before. Some lines that especially stood out were “School is more like a factory than a place to learn” and “They will amount to nothing because you deemed them as nothing.”
For improvement, I think it’s just GUMPS. This piece was superior in terms of contents and theme and could be taken to the next level with a detailed proofread.
In short, Pierce, it’s true that we might all be failures, but we should still try and be ourselves, and I’m glad that you’ve managed to remain true to yourself all these years, and it echoes in your writing and personality.
Sincerely,
Zaid
Dear Pierce,
Honestly, I am so proud of you for this spoken word. The fact that you wrote it the day before and memorized it right after is crazy to me. When you were performing it, I don’t know what I was expecting, but definitely not that. You could feel your emotion radiating from your body as you spoke this with such passion. I would find myself nodding in agreement to some lines like: Did you ever take the time to think that maybe I’m not the problem / That maybe your system is: / Flawed / Outdated / Broken . Good job.
For suggestions, the only thing is for you to add punctuation because that’s my mind is thinking as I’m reading – but I guess a spoken word is meant to be heard, not read.
Very inspired.
Sincerely,
Tina