If I could burn it all and start anew I would
Almost none deserve this gift of life in this world they have been given
If I could take it all down and start again I would
But everyone thinks this right… that they could do it all so much better
Sometimes I think it would be better to just take myself out of this world…that things would just miraculously be fixed if we weren’t here
You think that it will allow you to escape the pain of this world
But this isn’t true
If we simply discard this life it will not quell the unrest in the world
We will not feel happiness or pain or anything because nothing is nothing and nothing but nothing
But who cares right because nothing has got to be better than the pain of this life…right?
Then we remember back to the good times when we felt all the the radiant joyful amazing memories of your life and then you think to yourself…
I could do it all better
You think that if you could take it all down and start anew… things would be better
You believe that you could take out all the pain and all the suffering from the world and be left with just the radiant joyful amazing experiences… but what could you change
Nothing would truly change
The places and the names and the labels and everything else would change
Everything except the one thing you were trying to escape because the pain will never go away no matter how strenuously you try.
But no matter what world you are in… you will always need the pain because…
Without pain
Joy is nothing.
Explanation: I wrote this a very long time ago. I believe during my ELA 10 class with Ms Jusseaume. We where about three days int our poetry unit and I was being a classic gebronnie, not doing what I was supposed to. The rest of the class had been given an assignment to work on some other kind of poem. But I took the entire class and for some reason wrote out this extremely depressing poem. I don’t particularly know why though, as I remember being in a good mood. But either way this was the result of me being completely off task.
Dear Pierce:
This was a marvelous poem that I very much enjoyed reading on your blog! I find that this poem is so great because it forces the reader to ask some hard questions about the nature of society’s actions and future. I think the brutality of this was represented well through your choice of short and blunt sentences. Your work was well written and provided a very nice ending as well.
I believe you could improve very slightly by having a more mature voice. Your word selection is excellent, but I feel that some lines, particularly the ones with ellipses in them, could have been split up or emphasized somehow.
Ultimately, this was a very special piece to read. You have wonderful ideas and great execution. I will look forward to coming here in the future.
Sincerely,
Zaid
Dearest Pierce,
Love. This. I love the musing and reflection. Sometimes it is so therapeutic to just get into the nitty-gritty of whatever dark little demon is sitting on your shoulder that day. I love the repetition of the word “nothing”, really brought the point home for me.
To improve, I would recommend finding a pattern to how many lines are in a stanza. I like how you broke it up, but a little pattern (or a visible lack of pattern) could help hammer home your point more.
I’m going to miss you kid. Really. Please keep writing. You’re brain is amazing, so don’t waste it.
Love,
(your mom)
Claire
‘If you die
before you die,
when you die,
you will never die’
-Jesus
● NOPEcantELOPE.blogspot.com ●
Cya soon, miss gorgeous…