(verse 1)
My legs are shaking from the weight I carry
And I don’t know how long they’ll last
My head is throbbing and my brain is full
Like a bomb that’s ready to blow
(chorus)
I run
From the secrets that I keep and the lies I tell
I walk each day with the weight of my fabricated world
And each time I try and get out
I get caught in the web of my own self-deception
Cause I’m afraid
Afraid of what they think of me
Cause i’m afraid
To have my falsehoods revealed
So in spite of the pain I will keep it all inside ignore the cracks in my brain
And the shaking of my legs
Cause no matter how hard I try
I’m eternally caught in the web of my own self-deception
(verse 2)
My chest is concaving
Crushed by the fiction of my past
I can’t go a day without my skins pulled back
To think of the lies that that fall to my earth like snow
(chorus)
I run
From the secrets that I keep and the lies I tell
I walk each day with the weight of my fabricated world
And each time I try and get out
I get caught in the web of my own self-deception
Cause I’m afraid
Afraid of what they think of me
Cause i’m afraid
To have my falsehoods revealed
So in spite of the pain I will keep it all inside ignore the cracks in my brain
And the shaking of my legs
Cause no matter how hard I try
I’m eternally caught in the web of my own self-deception
Explanation:
This is a piece that i am very proud of. I put a lot of emotions into it an it was one of the first pieces that I truly opened up and let the world see who I am as a person and as a writer. Some time ago i was writing a journal. The day before that I had been caught in a pretty bad lie. The people who exposed me where two people I consider parents. Through a lot of reflection on my past I figured out that I have a problem with lying. I will lie my way out of any situation, even if it is not necessary. The next day I was very torn up and spent the entire class ignoring what was going on and wrote this long drawn out mess of a page. About three weeks later I was trying to write a song but was having trouble coming up with themes and topics. So I pulled out my journal and flipped to the page. Because it was such a mess I highlighted fragments and words until i had enough. Then i strung them all together into a song. That is how this song was born.
Dear Pierce,
First of all I would like to start off by saying that this was powerful. It was striking. This piece sounds raw and full of emotion, and I appreciate that you’ve shared this with us all.
As for advice, which was hard to find, I think that you could end your free choice by separating your last line into two likewise:
I’m eternally caught in the web
of my own self-deception.
This would bring emphasis to the last four words, and connect the last word, “self-deception,” back to the title.
Once again, I greatly enjoyed this free choice and I wonder whether or not the spoken word by Shane Koyczan inspired this.
Sincerely,
Unas
Dear Pierce,
This is my first true impression to you as a writer and person, and my I say you have definitely left a mark. First, I love that you took the form of a song, I have never seen that before I think it gives insight to who you are and your connection to music. Second, I really found your themes well threaded throughout the piece, with the chorus acting as a theme statement.
An area for improvement: I think for readers to understand the song better, an explanation should be added so we can get a better understanding of the piece.
I can’t wait to read what else you create in your journey.
Sincerely,
Kemi
Dear Pierce,
I think this is an incredible piece and I really commend you for taking the time to sit down for a song. It really pulls out the emotions you were trying to convey and shows you as a writer. I really appreciate you getting vulnerable to write this as it is a piece more people need to see.
My one criticism is that you could make your verse 1 and 2 a bit longer to balance with the length of the chorus.
I can’t wait to read more of your writing.
Love,
Sydney